It took me ALL day to finally get it all done and now it’s 5:30a, my kid’s snoring and drooling and Mall Cop is on …

So, a bit about my new look …

I was, first and foremost, inspired by all this lovely lady’s blogs: The Bluegrass Romance Project, Morgan Day Cecil & Morgan Day Photography … I HIGHLY recommend everyone checking them out.

Secondly, the color scheme and “theme” came from the late night movie I was watching yesterday: Sex and the City!

The header is off-white, like Carrie’s wedding gown, and turquoise, like the feather in her hair … The side buttons are black, like Charlotte’s bridesmaid dress, and hot pink, like her bouquet … The red lettering was inspired by Samantha’s bridesmaid dress … The blue lettering comes from Miranda’s GORGEOUS, cobalt blue, bridesmaid dress (and also the blue Manolo Blahniks Carrie wears at the end, when she finally marries Big)

Lastly, like Morgan’s blog, I wanted it to have a more minimalist look (at least more so than last) … so I cut out some links and the such. It just looks so much neater and cleaner now …

Now if I can only revamp my life with the same ease and enthusiasm …

*phew* …

I’m tired!

Nite Nite Good Morning … (yikes!)

Today you stood next to me and your head was up to my boob!  It occurred to me just how much time has passed since your head was directly under my boob, while you grew in my tummy (actually, my uterus — but you’ll learn all about THAT one day from some teacher … far be it from me to deny them that “interesting” topic)

As you grow older there are several lessons I hope will stick with you on your journey through life:

1)  Remember to always be kind to and have respect for every person and every thing: animals and toys included.  Animals are more valuable than you could understand at the moment and toys today will sell on eBay for TONS tomorrow …

2)  Remember that Cookie probably wasn’t chewing on Stinky Bear and dragging him to different sections of the apartment, to piss you off … She was probably just … Ok, maybe she did want to annoy you, but she did it because she loves you …

3)  Remember to always lean toward the creative.  This way, you’ll never grow bored or boring.

4)  Remember to brush your teeth FIRST … then you rinse with mouthwash …

5)  Remember to put your pants on AFTER your underwear …

6  Remember to never pair brown’s and navy’s or red’s and orange’s — It just irritates Mommy, Baby.   I don’t care what they say, not all color combo’s are created equal …

7)  Remember to always buy “display only” toys — that is, toys that are so beautiful in design, they could be stored in plain view because they compliment the decor …

8)  Remember never to lie — at least, not to me … Mommy possess a special set of skills, honed through my many relationships with men — your Daddy included — that enables me to catch you in a lie, no matter how big or small.  So … just save yourself the embarrassment …

9)  Remember to always have a fabulously, non-tacky, decorated room, just like Mommy always made sure you had … Otherwise, what good would it be to follow point #7  …

10)  Remember to visit a museum, historical structure, city park or other “point of interest” at least once a month … It makes you an interesting and interested person …

11)  Remember that it will break my heart and make me feel I failed you as a parent … if you ever! … join or otherwise, identify with … the Republican party …

12)  Remember to visit FAO Schwartz, Toys R Us or any toy store, every so often … It reminds you how to have the kind of giddy fun only toys can provide and it keeps you young …

13)  Remember to keep your pants off the ground …

14)  Remember to never curse or otherwise make a fool out of yourself in public.  This means, when you and your high school buddies are riding the train or walking in the street – I don’t want you to be so loud, boisterous and seemingly, unintelligent that you get the same stares and sighs Mommy directs toward these same, wayward children, now …

15)  Remember that I can invoke my right as your Mother to beat you five ways from Sunday, if you ever … EVER … let me catch you breaking points #8, #13 and #14 …

16)  Remember that education doesn’t always come from a classroom setting and that you should always try to learn from all your life experiences …

17)  Remember to always ask questions if something doesn’t make sense to you …

18)  Remember that you’ll come across a lot of people in your life that will want to hurt you – physically, emotionally and verbally … and that you should never pay any attention to what they say.  Unless, they’re REALLY becoming annoying, in which case Universal Law states you’re allowed to use all that Karate and Boxing training to “deal” with it …

19) Remember to always be involved in some sport(s) … It keeps you in shape and teaches you about discipline and being part of a team …

20)  Remember that no matter what people tell you, your Mother is always right and usually trumps anything, anyone else says …

21)  Speaking of “trumping”, remember that any unsavory, little slut young lady you may take as your girlfriend will NEVER be more important than the original females in your life: Me! Mom, Mei Mei, Auntie Carol, Tima, and Booga.  We do, solemnly, swear to kindly remind any wretched, little wench young lady that steps out of line, of this fact.  And we’ll take any measures necessary to do so …

22)  Remember that you can be 87y/o and I will still refer to you as “the baby” …

23)  Remember to always take pictures … Tons of them!  And make sure some of them don’t make any sense to anyone but you …

24) Remember to always hold on tight … to Stinky Bear …

25)  Remember that Judge Judy only yelled that much because she was annoyed at the morons in her courtroom …

26)  Remember that Mommy’s love for you will transcend beyond both of our natural lives …

27)  Remember that my happiest moments were always spent with you …

and …

lastly,

28)  … Remember to always play Beethoven before bedtime …

Me: (staring blankly at my wee one)  Where do we get all that?

Aidyn: Maybe we can get a baby brother and baby sister and then find a store that has big brothers …

Me: (still staring blankly – non-chalantly – at my wee one)  … like … where …? (to self: Cause I SURE as hell can’t produce a big brother)

Aidyn: (flustered and annoyed)  I don’t know maybe Toys R Us sells human beings or something …

Me: *gasp* (to self) … where to did he learn the term “human being”?

I need three wishes …

I’ve been rubbing every flippin’ lamp within my reach …

And still no blasted genie …

BABY:  ”Mommy where are you going?”

ME: “To work, Sweets”

BABY:  ”What are you going to do … What do you do …”

ME: “I’m going to show two very nice people a few very nice apartments …”

BABY: “… so you don’t do anything then …”

I’ve obsessed over admired you for quite some time now.  I’m finally in a position that will allow me to enjoy the fruits of your labor and I think it’s time we … started a relationship.

I walked into one of your stores on 5th Ave a couple of days ago and felt like I had walked into the happiest place on earth!  All sorts of pretty, shiny, soft, satiny things … just calling out at me!  Even the faceless mannequins seemed to speak to me  — until I realized it was one of the salespeople “respectfully” asking me to stop drooling on the merchandise.

Not really.

But that’s what those reproachful looks on their faces said, anyway …

In any case, I want to thank you for Kyle, who took pity on me and helped me spend money I don’t really yet have … I walked out with many pretty things … and a bit poorer BUT it’s ok…

I have enough love for the both of us.

See you soon,

XOXO

However, I’m shocked out of my reverie by an invitation in my email in-box to join the ALS walk this summer and suddenly I go from a 32 y/o content, single mother to a devastated and frightened 5 y/o who wants desperately for her Dad to get better. Suddenly, any contentment or happiness at surviving another year, disappears.  It is replaced with sadness and everything else that goes along with situations like this …

I cannot effectively convey with words how it is or what it means to be a daughter to someone who struggles daily with such an awful, debilitating illness. So terrible, in fact, I found myself praying for a diagnosis of cancer — because at least with that there was a possibility of being cured. Like every other disease, it’s not limited to the individual affected.  It has taken my entire family hostage …

I don’t want to be reminded of it.

It depresses me to no end.

It brings about a bottomless well of pain, uncertainty, sadness … It makes me become the opposite of what I actually am.

Bravery is mostly measured by physical acts such as a firefighter entering a building emblazoned with flames on a sheer possibility that there my be a life inside needing help; a soldier goes and fights in a war with only the thought that it would keep his countrymen safe and free … Then there is the other type of bravery – the kind one must dust off and rely on when something like this grabs hold of your family. It’s this bravery that the world speaks less of… Bravery like this is something I believe people are born with. I lack this specific type… I lack them both, but the former is more about choice. I can choose not to join the military, but I cannot choose not to have a sick father.

Weddings by far have been the hardest. Which is ironic, since I’m as cynical as it comes when it comes to marriage. But, whenever I see a father and daughter dance, I break down knowing that with each passing day this simple tradition becomes a little less of a possibility for me and my sisters.

I beg the Universe, God, scientists – every night to bring about a cure … And every night I lose more faith …

I have been virtually paralyzed … Not able to enjoy many of life’s little joys.  There is a void so deep within me, no amount of Banana Cream Pie can fill it (trust me! I try every week at least 5 times …) Anything good that’s happened to me – any victories – within this time frame haven’t been received with happiness. None of it has tasted as sweet as it should. It has all been tainted.  And it will continue to be. Because as my father experiences it, so do I. Therefore …

I cannot walk …
I cannot breathe …
I just cannot …

Ok so this isn’t really going to be an “everyday” thing since I’ve become ever so horrible at updating my blog but here’s an attempt!  So, I took this while enjoy a lovely late lunch w/ my little sister … and I took it w/ my boyfriends new Nikon d3000 — or as I like to say “our” new camera …

Check out my photo-blog at 365Project

Stay positive … One hour (@ least) for reading …

Go outside … Exercise … Socialize …

Call friends … invite them over … be involved …

Flow …

Say a prayer every day …

To God … To the Universe …

To anybody that who will listen…

Seems like a pretty good plan …

When  I got a new tv — it came w/ a “welcome kit” that included a manual, remote, even free batteries!

My new Mac?  – WELCOME KIT!!

So, where’s the kit that should’ve come w/ my new baby?  Huh?

Five years ago, I — we all should’ve — received a beautifully wrapped baby with an equally wrapped welcome kit taped to his perfectly diapered butt!  This “kit” should’ve had a list of what to expect the first 48 hours such as milk coming out of the baby’s nose all randomly and the such … and stuff like how to get your massively swollen boobs off your neck!!  … and how to care for a newborn while nursing the  6″ incision healing just inches above your now traumatize vagina …

And, it’s a hospital, right?  So, they couldn’t have thrown in a 30yr prescription for Vicodin, Percocet, Xanax and Codeine?  (Crack, if you had multiples …)

No?

Why not!!?

Aren’t the effects and symptoms of being on drugs the same as no sleep, anyway?

And, lastly, where was my complimentary nanny?!!  Flippin’,  France gets one for like 3 months!!!

There are just ton’s of stuff I think we’re entitled to as new parents … just like when we’re new homeowners … or new car owners … or new microwave oven owners!   just stuff, you know …

Simple. INFORMATION …

Samples …

Etc …

The reason I realized this huge oversight this morning was because my son …

My beautiful … baby boy …

Is by FAR …

the loudest human creature to ever walk the streets of NYC …

I’ve searched high … and low …

… but I can’t find the f-ing remote!