C U Next Tuesday …

WARNING: the following post may contain language that’s unsuitable for anybody with a heart beat, within earshot or otherwise within it’s general field of view …

About a month ago, my son’s paternal grandmother asked me if I would allow her to take my child to California for a short vacation. Her idea of a short vacation was 2wks …

While the vacation was whittled down to just a week, after thinking about it I had decided he was too young to travel such a distance without me and on a plane! …

TRANSLATION: he may have been fine but I’m scared shitless, paranoid and I really wouldn’t have done well with the trip at all.  ”White-knuckling it” is a better way to describe my coping skills had he left.  I’m terrified of planes and that whole “falling from the sky to almost certain death” thing they’ve got going for themselves …

So I said no …

His father called and said it would be good for him, blah blah blah, San Diego Zoo, blah blah blah, best opportunity this side of the Mississippi, blah blah blah, better than being invited to the White House and meeting the President, blah blah blah …

In an attempt to keep the peace, I said “ok”.

Four frantic 4am text msg’s to friends, 5 mini “mommy panic attacks” later and two days before he was supposed to leave — I reserved my right to rescind my decision …

This upset his father … juuust a little bit:

(Later that day … the phone rings …)

‘TERRIBLY UPSET’ FATHER: “I just heard you cancelled the trip …”
‘RECENTLY RELIEVED’ MOTHER: “Yeah … I just couldn’t … I’m –”
‘SHIT-FOR-BRAINS’ FATHER: “I just wanted to tell you that you’re foul … You’re a power hungry bitch … You’re an ungrateful cunt … A fucking asshole …”
‘EXTREMELY SHOCKED’ MOTHER: (!!)

(Then abt two weeks later when he has the baby for the weekend … and after having a brief telephone conversation w/ the baby)

‘CONCERNED’ MOTHER: “So the baby has a stomach ache?”
‘COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE’ FATHER: “FIRST OF ALL DON’T ASK AS IF I’M FUCKING BEATING HIM!!”
‘DONE WITH THE BULLSHIT’ MOTHER: “First of all speak to me like I’m a human being!!!”
‘WASTE OF SPACE’ FATHER: “You’re not a human being, you’re a fucking evil cunt!!!”

(Did I mention that he had this last tantrum in front of my son!??     Who proceeded to get upset?!!)

Ladies and gentlemen, meet my child’s father …