The other day … I found myself lingering at work … just winding down and preparing stuff for the next day.
I noticed it was nearing 7pm so I rush out of work and make my way to the subway station …
I’m in the middle of checking Twitter and Facebook when I’m approached by a timid, Hispanic man who was a bit lost.
MAN: “Does this train go to Manhattan?”, he asks in his native tongue.
ME: “We’re in Manhattan?”, I respond in Spanish. The confused look on his face prompts me to ask, “Where is it you’d like to go?”
MAN: “163rd street.”, he replies …
I go on to explain that he was on the downtown side and that due to the terrible joke of some MTA architect this subway station was constructed in such a way that made it impossible to transfer to the uptown side. I advise him to take any one of these trains that stopped here one stop down and transfer there for the uptown train he needed …
This caused further confusion so I offered to guide him the entire way to his correct train …
The train comes and we board.
While we’re waiting for our stop, I decide to engage him in some conversation. I find out he’s going to Church. (Lovely, I think, sarcastically)
MAN: “… Pentacostal.” (Shit … I hope he doesn’t ask –)
MAN: Which Church do u attend? (Shit!)
ME: (The House of Sephora?) Um … None.
MAN: (shocked) “Why not?” … “Sit here” (gestures to his left)
ME: (b/c it does nothing for my complexion) “Because I just don’t see the point and have no time!”
MAN: “Oh but there is always time for God …”
ME: (… and donuts but that’s not the point) Um … Well, I’m really finicky so I’d rather not be a member of just one religion but use parts that work from all and as for Church, I’m a “work at home” kinda gal, you know …”
LADY TO MY LEFT: (NOT minding her own business) “Oh but you’re wrong … God is everything … God is love … He made you and this and that blah blah blah …”
They go on and on, relentlessly!
I tune them out as I look around briefly for the cameras with the Church of Latter Day Saints or L. Ron Hubbard logo on it … wondering if maybe I’m the first contestant on “The Good Lord’s Candid Camera” or something …
Finding nothing stranger than the lady in powder blue leggings, I realize this is really … actually … happening!
I have gone to Catholic schools all my life — even graduating from a Jesuit college! I couldn’t take it anymore! I rolled my eyes in frustration and replied to the barrage of religious statements …
ME: “I absolutely agree … I believe in God, however, what I don’t believe in is being part of one ‘club’ when neither one of them makes much sense. And I don’t believe in sitting in a special place in order to have a relationship with God … IF God is everything and everywhere — then saying a prayer to St. Anthony or observing Yom Kippur from my living room while watching So You Think You Can Dance, shouldn’t be cause for the type of concern you both are showing right now!”
Finally! our stop comes.
As I’m walking the prophet to the uptown trains. He tries to save my immortal soul from certain damnation one more time and asks, “Why don’t you come to Church with me?”
I smirked … stared into his hopeful eyes … and said, “Thank you so very much, but, no, Sir. I have to go home now and tend to the illegitimate baby boy I had out of wedlock …”
OH no u didnt!!!! LOL!!!
OMG Such a New York story. Everyone wants to save everyone else.
I have a tip after my morning train ride. I dropped my LARGE iced coffee this morning and managed to secure a very lonely position on the N train. I was embarrassed at first but realized about 5 stops later–as the coffee was stretching itself from one end of the train to the other–this is a great way to make people get out of my way. Next time try carrying an iced coffee and have an ‘accidental’ spill. Unless the holier-than-thou is stashing a full roll of Bounty… I think you’ll be saved
You know the irony is: I don’t think he even grasped the concept that the one person who was kind enough to help him – wasn’t a church goer. I’m proud of the way you handled him. I have nothing against someone else’s religion…just don’t…shove it down my throat.
Sadly the God believers don’t seem to get that concept. (Hugs)Indigo
Indigo – I absolutely didn’t think about that! LOL … I’m not a super religious person yet I was around to help you on your journey to Christ. I’m the unwitting prophet LOL …
and I agree with the “not shoving it down my throat” bit … It’s just annoying …
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I had little time between raising my baby and screwing my atheist boyfriend to go to Church LOL … so I kept it at just the baby …
omg, this made me LAUGH SO HARD! As always you crack me UP!
Jen