I Could Always Get a Rottweiler …
One of my worst nightmares – besides a ‘black/brown” color scheme – is something terrible while I’m alone w/ the baby. Often I find myself doing strange things like unplugging everything in the house before going to bed or leaving some extra catnip by the front door just to make sure the cat continues to keep guard throughout the night (she got some ridiculous idea from the dog that her shift ends before dark).
Today an awkward encounter with a strange man made me think of it all again: If something ever happened to me while the Baby and I were alone (which is the case 90% of the time) would he know what to do? Would he know who to call if – say – Mommy were distraught because she couldn’t get that stain out of her Coach bag and was now unresponsive … The View was preempted for some senseless holiday parade of enormous balloons causing uncontrollable crying … felt sick … slipped while trying on my beautiful 3″ heels … or slipped in the kitchen while making yet another donut run and fell unconscious. What about if someone broke in or something! Tried to hurt us! I mean, I can always try to nag the intruder and make him aware of his short-comings like I usually do to men, but what if … he broke into my place during an unguarded moment like when I’m watching Dancing with the Stars!
I remember showing him how to call people on my “Favorite Contacts” phone list, but I thought that maybe I need to show him how to dial for the cops or ambulance.
So!
I call him over …
Me: Hey Baby, I want to talk to you …
Baby: (silence. stares at 100th Powerpuff episode of the day)
Me: Baby! Listen to me! I have to tell you something!
Baby: what …
Me: Weeell … do you know what to do if Mommy is ever sick or “sleeping” but not able to wake up? What are you going to do?
Baby: (thinks for a second) Watch tv?
Me: !! (to self) Fuck! I’m screwed …
Watch TV? My son would have the same exact answer!
Pickles the working dog wonder makes me feel like this sometimes. She’s really quite shy and would run from her own shadow. Other times we’ll be out in the yard and she’ll take a stance and growl loud enough to raise anyone’s hair.
In the end sometimes these things are just left up to chance. (Hugs)Indigo
your son is a riot, but hey, what strange encounter with a man?
they are great dogs, and no one would mess with u!
when I was alone I had a HUGE dog, maybe a rottie is not a bad idea
That’s so funny! I have a dog for the same reason….
It took me 15 minutes to figure out how to comment. I think you need to create a HUGE bitton somewhere easily seen so that I (with precious little time as it is) can always leave a comment. I finally got caught up with your most recent entries and I enjoyed every one of them. You continue to be my favorite ‘columnist’ and ‘funnies’ author. My only question is how can I view your bi-weekly article on that latina site? You should have another ‘button’ link to that site.
That was a perfect end to a tough day, loved it ! Can remember when I taught the girls to call 911 .. one was sure it was a test and everytime she could not get me to respond to her every WISH and need, out would come 911. Sad thing was we lived in a small town, I have asthma and the our EMS got paid each time they showed up… so needless to say they loved it when they got her call……. oh the joys of the young ones !