Where’s my Welcome Kit …

I’ve been a Mom now for a little over 5 yrs and something just occurred to me this morning!  I never got a “Welcome Kit”!!

When  I got a new tv — it came w/ a “welcome kit” that included a manual, remote, even free batteries!

My new Mac?  – WELCOME KIT!!

So, where’s the kit that should’ve come w/ my new baby?  Huh?

Five years ago, I — we all should’ve — received a beautifully wrapped baby with an equally wrapped welcome kit taped to his perfectly diapered butt!  This “kit” should’ve had a list of what to expect the first 48 hours such as milk coming out of the baby’s nose all randomly and the such … and stuff like how to get your massively swollen boobs off your neck!!  … and how to care for a newborn while nursing the  6″ incision healing just inches above your now traumatize vagina …

And, it’s a hospital, right?  So, they couldn’t have thrown in a 30yr prescription for Vicodin, Percocet, Xanax and Codeine?  (Crack, if you had multiples …)

No?

Why not!!?

Aren’t the effects and symptoms of being on drugs the same as no sleep, anyway?

And, lastly, where was my complimentary nanny?!!  Flippin’,  France gets one for like 3 months!!!

There are just ton’s of stuff I think we’re entitled to as new parents … just like when we’re new homeowners … or new car owners … or new microwave oven owners!   just stuff, you know …

Simple. INFORMATION …

Samples …

Etc …

The reason I realized this huge oversight this morning was because my son …

My beautiful … baby boy …

Is by FAR …

the loudest human creature to ever walk the streets of NYC …

I’ve searched high … and low …

… but I can’t find the f-ing remote!