Dear Baby Boy,
Today you stood next to me and your head was up to my boob! It occurred to me just how much time has passed since your head was directly under my boob, while you grew in my tummy (actually, my uterus — but you’ll learn all about THAT one day from some teacher … far be it from me to deny them that “interesting” topic)
As you grow older there are several lessons I hope will stick with you on your journey through life:
1) Remember to always be kind to and have respect for every person and every thing: animals and toys included. Animals are more valuable than you could understand at the moment and toys today will sell on eBay for TONS tomorrow …
2) Remember that Cookie probably wasn’t chewing on Stinky Bear and dragging him to different sections of the apartment, to piss you off … She was probably just … Ok, maybe she did want to annoy you, but she did it because she loves you …
3) Remember to always lean toward the creative. This way, you’ll never grow bored or boring.
4) Remember to brush your teeth FIRST … then you rinse with mouthwash …
5) Remember to put your pants on AFTER your underwear …
6 Remember to never pair brown’s and navy’s or red’s and orange’s — It just irritates Mommy, Baby. I don’t care what they say, not all color combo’s are created equal …
7) Remember to always buy “display only” toys — that is, toys that are so beautiful in design, they could be stored in plain view because they compliment the decor …
8) Remember never to lie — at least, not to me … Mommy possess a special set of skills, honed through my many relationships with men — your Daddy included — that enables me to catch you in a lie, no matter how big or small; deep or shallow … So … just save yourself the embarrassment …
9) Remember to always have a fabulously, non-tacky, decorated room, just like Mommy always made sure you had … Otherwise, what good would it be to follow point #7 …
10) Remember to visit a museum, historical structure, city park or other “point of interest” at least once a month … It makes you an interesting and interested person …
11) Remember that it will break my heart and make me feel I failed you as a parent … if you ever! … join or otherwise, identify with … the Republican party …
12) Remember to visit FAO Schwartz, Toys R Us or any toy store, every so often … It reminds you how to have the kind of giddy fun only toys can provide and it keeps you young …
13) Remember to keep your pants off the ground …
14) Remember to never curse or otherwise make a fool out of yourself in public. This means, when you and your high school buddies are riding the train or walking in the street – I don’t want you to be so loud, boisterous and seemingly, unintelligent that you get the same stares and sighs Mommy directs toward these same, wayward children, now …
15) Remember that I can invoke my right as your Mother to beat you five ways from Sunday, if you ever … EVER … let me catch you breaking points #8, #13 and #14 …
16) Remember that education doesn’t always come from a classroom setting and that you should always try to learn from all your life experiences …
17) Remember to always ask questions if something doesn’t make sense to you …
18) Remember that you’ll come across a lot of people in your life that will want to hurt you – physically, emotionally and verbally … and that you should never pay any attention to what they say. Unless, they’re REALLY becoming annoying, in which case Universal Law states you’re allowed to use all that Karate and Boxing training to “deal” with it …
19) Remember to always be involved in some sport(s) … It keeps you in shape and teaches you about discipline and being part of a team …
20) Remember that no matter what people tell you, your Mother is always right and usually trumps anything, anyone else says …
21) Speaking of “trumping”, remember that any unsavory, little slut young lady you may take as your girlfriend will NEVER be more important than the original females in your life: Me! Mom, Mei Mei, Auntie Carol, Tima, and Booga. We do, solemnly, swear to kindly remind any wretched, little wench young lady that steps out of line, of this fact. And we’ll take any measures necessary to do so …
22) Remember that you can be 87y/o and I will still refer to you as “the baby” …
23) Remember to always take pictures … Tons of them! And make sure some of them don’t make any sense to anyone but you …
24) Remember to always hold on tight … to Stinky Bear …
25) Remember that Judge Judy only yelled that much because she was annoyed at the morons in her courtroom …
26) Remember that Mommy’s love for you will transcend beyond both of our natural lives …
27) Remember that my happiest moments were always spent with you …
and …
lastly,
28) … Remember to always play Beethoven before bedtime …
I think I may have to steal some of these for when I have a child, especially the last one. Very sweet! And LMAO at #1.
Enjoyed, enjoyed, enjoyed!!!! Keep ‘em coming Nydia!
Awe how cute, I teared up.. Then again that’s beyond my control right now..but this is hilarious!
Also, umm I don’t hear Beethoven playing from you room at bedtime..soo umm, yea..am I missing something here?
He always asks me to play the piano on my iPhone (Fingerpiano app) … I play Moonlight Sonata for him sometimes and he’ll play Fur Elise …
I am in love with all of these rules!! Many of them made me laugh so hard. These are great life lessons/rules that should apply to everyone who has a child. I find that Santino has a great grasp of rule number 23 because he often takes pictures of his closet! Good post Nydia!!!
LOL … thanks, Nat. I enjoy blogging about my little itty bitty so much! He’s quite the inspiration!