Ever read about those freakish accidents that happen to people … like their hair gets caught on the escalator and they get scalped!? Or someone is pushed or fall onto train tracks — .2 seconds before the train enters the station?
Well, I swore to God that I was going to star in NYC’s next freak accident after my frightening experience this weekend!
After coming off a really heady and perfect weekend w/ the BF, I’m relaxing on the “1″ train doing what I do every time I’m coming back from his place: watching my Sex and the City re-runs.
This day, however, I was carrying my birthday gifts, my big, but trendy, overnight bag and the Easter basket the BF’s mother made for the Baby Boy. So! my stop came. I got up. And made my way toward the open doors. There was a man and his “Way too big for that stroller” daughter blocking the entrance. I graciously allow them time to … get the f**k outta my way …
A few moments later, I’m free to proceed … except! a New York City train waits for nobody and the doors close on me …
I get into this really good fight w/ the doors … I’m struggling against the death-grip of this ferocious, metallic beast … when finally I’m thru …
I’m thru … except for my very tiny right foot and ankle!!!
I make a small attempt to yank my foot out …
Shit!
Shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit!
The doors aren’t opening!
The train is at a stand-still … Nothing’s happening …
There’s an eerie silence in the atmosphere …
My heart is beating fast now … I can’t breathe, as I become aware of my potential reality …
This train is going to move!!
With me attached …
It’s going to drag me …
And I’m going to hit that wall at high octane speed …
And I’m going to die … NO … I’m going to EXPLODE all over this station …
And without having had at least one ounce of Easter chocolate …
Faced with the fact that my last image in life would be of Samantha’s boobs, I went ape-shit trying to rip my foot out of there!! I must’ve looked like I was having a seizure! I felt my right shoe come off inside the train as I struggled …
F**k! Just chew it off!! Chew your Goddamned foot off!!!
Nothing.
I swallow the bile forming at the back of my throat and in complete panic I looked up and down the platform hoping to see someone … a conductor? a cop? … Ashton f**kin’ Kutcher saying, “YOU JUST GOT PUNKED!” …
But nothing. Silence … except for all the f**king people on the train NOT helping … including the asshole and brat that caused the delay in getting off in the first place …
I feel like I’m going to faint …
It’s true what they say about your life flashing before you when you actually believe you’re going to die … I hadn’t seen my child all weekend … I hadn’t told him how much I love when he laughs in his sleep … I hadn’t had the chance to tell my family that their support and love means the world to me … I hadn’t had the chance to use that new Coach bag …
“What would Carrie Bradshaw do!
She wouldn’t leave a perfectly good black, pointed-toe shoe and pedicured foot behind!!! that’s for sure!
With renewed strength and motivation, I gave it one more try … I shut my eyes and I wiggled the holy hell out of my foot … grabbed at the doors like a woman possessed!
Then! I felt the pressure off my ankle (are those harps I hear playing?) and heard the doors open. I was too afraid to open my eyes and find the gates of Heaven instead of the “1″ train … (who am I kidding — after the stuff I did that weekend, I wouldn’t be allowed near a church, let alone Heaven’s pearly entrance)!
Dry-heaving and almost in tears I fall forward toward the inside of the train …
… as almost all of the contents of my overnight bag spill out … while I’m still in the train’s doorway …
WTF! What kind of cosmic joke is this!
On auto-pilot, I, swiftly, bend down and scoop everything back into the bag, thanking God nothing fell between the gap (since my overnight bag held the contents of my birthday gifts) …
Back on the train now, everyone is looking at me …
I’m infuriated because nobody helped! … they actually looked annoyed with me for holding them up!
… as I struggle to put my shoe back on, my face is on fire! Heating up from the sheer experience of it all … I’m embarrassed and I’m shaking and I want to cry and I want my mother!
So, I get off at the next stop and walk home in one piece, even if emotionally I’ve just been scared five ways from Sunday! I began to imagine just how awful that accident could’ve been. I imagine every. gory. detail. I watch the movie of my freakish and probably painful death in my head. Not even the blaring, relaxing Coldplay music playing in my ears could take me away to a happier place.
I started thinking of the news segments’ surrounding my death … of what picture they would’ve used and what they would’ve said about me …
Then I feel the hot tears spill down my face as I think of my baby growing up w/o me … and asking where I was … and why it was taking me so long to get home … and how he’s old enough to somewhat comprehend when someone explains to him that I wouldn’t ever be coming home …
Four days later and I still get butterflies just thinking about those wretched moments …
When did Sundays in NYC become so f**king deadly?!
(Sigh)
I’m SO! taking the bus next time!
Ugh! One thing I DON’T miss about the city is the damn subway debacles. I’ve had my fair share too. I can’t believe no one helped you. I was always the girl helping people on the subway. I even emptied out a shopping bag (cramming the stuff into my purse) because a pregnant woman thought she was going to puke.
Geez that is frightening. I’m glad to live in good ‘ol Ohio after that story! I’m so glad you’re ok!!
Sarah, I’m telling you it was the worst experience of my life to date! I can’t believe I got into a fight w/ the “1″ train …
Tiffany! Ohio sounds perfect right now!
Well, daaaaaaaaamn. What did you expect from the 1? Besides, Carrie only took the subway when there was gridlock AND she only took the bus (that she was on) when she was trying to save money. So let’s avoid that route.
Kidding aside, so glad you’re okay! I can’t imagine how scary that was.
That was crazy. I can’t believe no one helped you. I’m glad you’re ok.
Damnit! My first comment got sucked into Internet Oblivion……
So, again,
OMG that was hilarious to read. I know you almost died. I know you are still sick over it, but that was the best damn story I’ve read in a long time. I laughed, out loud, really loud!
This is why I search high and low for wonderful blogs, to find the diamonds like this blog of yours.
Outstanding,
Rebecca
P.S. Carrie Bradshaw would be proud of you. Very proud. Now, I’m off to twitter this link, everyone needs to read about this………
I’m with Rebecca. (Well not WITH her, because I don’t even know her, but you know what I mean.) See, I get the whole you-could-have-died thing. Which would TOTALLY suck. But man, was this post hysterical!!! I am LMAO!! See, this is why blogs can be so cool, because you can take something really scary and twist it so that you end up laughing. Like I am…still.
Glad you are OK.
Wow. That is awful! I can’t believe how much those people suck for not helping you!! Will you ever ride the “1″ train again? I think I would have a post traumatic stress issue with it if it were me.
Glad you’re safe.
Rebecca liked this story so much she sent a few of her friends here to read, me being one of them. When all is said and done this is one of those stories that everyone claims will have you laughing at yourself years later…while you give them daggers – imagining them suffering from the horror themselves(winks). The thing is on some cosmic level (as long as it’s not happening to you) it was hilarious. I do believe you did Carrie Bradshaw proud hon. If I had been there, I would of at least attempted to help you. Just because New Yorkers have a bad reputation of being rude, doesn’t mean they have to live up to it. From a fellow NY’er – actually not the city, more upstate.(Hugs)Indigo
WOW … that is kind of scary! I’m glad you are ok – I would have cursed those people out!
Dropped in from Rebecca’s – off to peruse you bloggy!